It is said that expectations ruin everything, be it friendship or any other kind of relationship. The sweet flow of any kind of relationship is overburdened and overstressed when we are expecting a lot from any life situation. Sometimes it is said expectations are overrated and sometimes it is said being human our natural response is to expect.
Yesterday (15th of November) was my grandmother’s fourth death anniversary. With all the thoughts that came up which were also the most evident,e 4 years have already passed. Can you imagine 4 years passed without the person whom you have adored and still adored? I know many people might have lost their loved ones for many years or a few days. But we should understand these things are not comparable. The prolonged dark sadness depression down the spinal cord and the desire to cry can be seen every time. And there’s an underlined hope we will meet again in some distant land full of white and red flowers.
I remember everything about the people who are no additional with us. My grandmother who I used to call ”Nani” loved me like any other grandmother and grandchildren relationship and would call me all the different names in the world. I was her partner in peeling off the green pea, story partner, room arrangement partner, planning partner, and a lot more.
The smell of incense sticks during her morning puja mixed with her cooking smell all over the house is what I long for. The sound of laughter while cooking or singing her favorite or half-known devotional songs while cooking or while sitting with her on-opened hair on a winter afternoon.
I miss every little detail about her from the loving motherly smell of her sarees to her smell when she was ill. The smell was different but she was the same as my grandmother, my Nani. I miss her childhood memories narrating to me when she was ill half conscious. Then she said there was a fixed tailor who used to stitch every child’s dress, a frock for girls and trousers and shirts for boys. No choice for different print and different companies. It amazes us to listen to the story of how they used to stand in line just to get their only expensive dress for the rest of the year’s dresses.
She gave me confidence she somehow knew I am capable of doing a lot more than I do. Never to accept defeat was her words to me. Accepting after trying was what she taught me. Now when I look back I know why it is so correct. Trying and keeping consistency is so important. These are life lessons with simplicity, maybe by cooking or reading books or just when we were talking with each other casually.
When I started by saying expectation is something that ruins everything it means I, you, or anyone never expected their close ones to leave them and go. Forever. But it is a cycle of life and will happen no matter what. It’s always in our subconscious that what if our close ones are forever with us when we know very much it’s impossible? We cannot take it. We need time and possibly don’t know how much.
I have learnt this from my husband. We should always be very happy because these close ones like Nani want us to be and we eat their favorite food on their important days because again they will be happy and Obviously we will be happy as well.
Till we meet again, Nani
We all miss you.
Early Morning Memories 