The Cognitive State

What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?

I once sat staring at the television screen. An ambient music was playing, it was a collection of several ambient music tracks. The person who had compiled all the tracks together had added a video along with it. It was animated and, in the video, it was night time. A café was visible and it was raining. The street lights created this orange hue. There was not a soul to be seen, and this is how the video remain throughout. I know it was being played in a loop too well hidden to be noticed.
It was a lovely view, and lovely music, but the highlighting thing was the effect that music and single-scene setting was had on me. I was feeling relaxed, I was focussed but most importantly I was calm.. very calm.
By no means I would call myself a calm person, but having experienced this constant calmness, I made a goal for myself. The goal was as you must have guessed for obvious was to remain calm, from the next day forward I would become a new person, the change had begun for the betterment.
How gullible of me to have come to this belief from my confidence, that calmness of mind would be an easy thing to achieve. I was losing my mind the very next day morning when a speeding car overtook me in the most haphazard manner. Having to work late at the office again? What are we, some bought asset of the company? Coming back home at the end of a tiring day and being told to go out again to get groceries. What am I? A machine? Couldn’t it have been told to me before I came back and made myself comfortable at home?
Calmness of mind just seemed unattainable at this point of time. What was I doing wrong? I wanted to be this calm person, but day in and day out it just seemed such an impossible thing to do.
My goal is still quite distant from me. Although, I will say things are much better from the time when I had started. The mistake was thinking of the goal but not of the path to achieve it and the path for me was far longer than I had anticipated. But, since I am aware of that now, I won’t lie I am making very slow but steady progress. Sometimes, I manage to sustain a calm mind for a few days now. I still hear ambient music to help me be calm but what I am waiting for is the day when every day music of life would be enough to sustain that state of mind, till then my path remains long.

Written by Anuran Chatterji

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