Edge of Instinct

“I think I can feel it,” said Aseem one day during his morning walk with his friend Binod, “I can feel that my end is near..”

 

“What kind of end?” asked Binod, “is there any business-related problems?”

 

“Business is fine, it’s about life. I feel like my life is nearing its end,” replied Aseem in response to which Binod stopped walking but Aseem noticed it only after walking a few steps ahead and then he turned back.

 

Binod covered the few steps and asked, “is it a fatal illness?”

 

“What? No, it is not an illness,” replied Binod

 

“Then what is it?”

 

“Call it an intuition”

 

“A forty-seven years old healthy man is having an intuition of death?” asked Binod

 

“Yeah..” replied Aseem in a low tone

 

“Your wife isn’t leaving, is she?”

 

“Listen Binod, there is no issue of any nature at all. I just feel it is coming to me soon”

 

Binod looked carefully at Aseem and said, “I know a friend who might have an answer for what is happening to you”

 

And later that day…

 

“It can be a form of existential crisis. Are you sure you are not under any form of stress or pressure?” asked Raghav

 

“No, there is none,” replied Aseem

 

“Ok,” said Raghav and then he wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it down to Aseem, “I don’t think there is anything to worry about but these are a few tests, get them done, let’s be sure. Meanwhile, why don’t you plan a family trip, it is a very potent solution to these situations.”

 

“You did not tell me that your friend was a psychologist,” said Aseem to Binod while driving back home

 

“Whom did you expect me to take you to? Fortune teller?” said Binod

 

“Well, I don’t have a psychological problem. Maybe something medical,” said Aseem

 

And it was medical, the reports showed lower magnesium levels for which medication was prescribed.

 

A month later Aseem didn’t feel any change but he decided to not let Binod know about it. Instead, he confided in one of his juniors at the office.

 

“So, Gopal, you are telling me this may not be in the hands of doctor?” said Aseem

 

“Yes sir, and only one person can give you the answer,” replied Gopal

 

Aseem looked in his phone at the address that Gopal had sent him in a message and he looked at the address on the old building. He had reached the correct address; the building was an old one covered with a light-yellow fading paint. At several places the plaster was falling off and Aseem was sure had it been late evening or night, most of the lights would not be working.

 

“He is a very wise and spiritual person. I go to him for advice whenever I feel low,” Gopal had said when talking about this person

 

Aseem climbed the stairs slowly, he could smell food cooking, he could hear children crying and couples arguing, some people were sitting on the stairs for no good reason.

 

The old building didn’t have an elevator, the stairs were the only means to climb up. Aseem reached the floor he wanted to and knocked on the door. The door wasn’t locked and from a slight gap, a glimpse of the dimly lit inside could be seen.

 

“Come in, don’t expect me to get up and open the door for you,” spoke a voice

 

Aseem slowly opened the door and looked inside first, there was smoke all around. He identified it as smoke from an incense stick.

 

On one side of the room sat an old man, he was bald and had a long beard which had been artificially coloured brown. He was wearing a light blue shirt which had stains of food on them and a trouser which definitely needed immediate wash. The eyes of the old man were covered with black glasses aviator sunglasses. The old man smiled revealing at least three teeth distinctively missing.

 

“So!” screamed the old man smiling, “What brings you here? Let me guess, can’t find a suitable bride even at this age?”

 

“I am married,” said Aseem, “my problem is…”

 

“Your senior at the office is pressuring you to work late and your wife at home is blaming you for not giving her enough time?” cut in the old man

 

“Wha.. wait… kindly listen to me first,” said Aseem

 

“All right sit down then, why don’t you pick that brown plastic chair over there. It’s the least likely to break down among my chairs,” a said the old man

 

Aseem quietly brought the chair and slowly sat on it, half expecting it to break down due to his weight and then he looked at the old man and although he had given up any expectation of a clear answer he spoke, “I am having this intuition that my life may not last long, although I have no form of work or family related issue”

 

The old man got up and went near the window, then he spat something out. Someone screamed from below at him and the old man screamed back some objectionable words, then he came back and sat, “Listen, eventually we will die and no matter how happy and fulfilled we are in our life, consciously or subconsciously that fact always remains. We feel it most when we have a near brush with an accident. You are just putting more time into that thought.”

 

“There must be a reason for it right?” asked Aseem

 

The old man sniffed something and asked, “Do you smell something burning?”

 

Assem turned his head trying to smell something burning.

 

“No, it’s nothing” said the old man and then he looked back at Aseem, “well, it happened to me too, I never stayed at one place, I have travelled all over for good or for the worse. But one day I realised it was becoming a bit more taxing on myself and I wasn’t ready to believe it. I thought I was dying.”

 

The old man stared quietly at Aseem and asked, “did you understand what happened?”

 

Aseem thought and answered, “expenditures were getting out of hand?”

 

A sound erupted from the old man’s back and Aseem tried to unsuccessfully cover his own nose to avoid the smell and then the old man spoke, “I got old and you are getting old too. This body does not stay young forever my friend. You have to accept that.”

 

Aseem still covered his nose, unsure of whether the smell was gone.

 

“Oh, it’s gone, you can relax,” said the old man and Assem uncovered his nose but felt sick once when he realised the old man had lied.

 

“You can’t keep covering your nose forever. You have to face the inevitable,” said the old man smiling and then he extended his hand, “my words are not for free”

 Aseem came back home unsure of what to think of what was told to him. Maybe he needed a little more time to ponder over it.

Written by Anuran Chatterji

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