What makes you nervous?
Winters carry cold which can be felt differently depending upon the situation one is in. There have been a couple of times when they have contributed to me feeling nervous.
When I was a student in school and not a very studious one, exams always managed to make me nervous, the few days before them were a terror as I desperately tried to stuff everything in my brain within that limited time which was clearly not enough.
The winters further added to this terror, I don’t know if anyone else has felt it. But cold has this habit of making this feeling of nervousness seep deeper into the mind and heart, making certain situations feel way worse than there actually is.
This nervousness of exams is generally rooted into the fear of failure. School exams are usually the first form of assessment for many and as many later find out, the scores attained as a result might also have an impact in the thoughtfulness of the society regarding someone.
Now that I have grown, I would say the mature part of me has quite effectively dealt with a lot of nervousness in life. For one I certainly no longer feel any nervousness regarding any form of examination regardless of whether I am or I am not prepared for it…. well in a way that doesn’t sound too good, but well let’s move on.
So, what does my present nervousness of life revolve around? Well of course a long-term substantial financial stability is certainly one thing which still makes me a bit nervous, the world is very ruthless when it comes to money and one can find himself/herself in a bit of deep complexity if not careful.
The part which makes me more nervous are the people growing old. Yes, it is a part of life and one has to accept it, but try telling that to your eight years self who hasn’t quite understood the concept of people growing old or passing away. So, at this point where most have nuclear families, slowly the family does seem a bit empty and spread beyond communication, as our elders have reached that age where they are leaving almost every year. I feel nervous about this complete change in scenario, and what would happen when all of them are gone and we are on our own.
But that does not mean I have no grip on reality. Rather I occasionally consider myself prepared for it even though a bit of it may be a lie. We have to keep moving, because of course it’s the only option but also the best one.
Written by Anuran Chatterji
Early Morning Memories 